For Whoever

There’s something new , something wild , rebellious and delusional in me. Nostalgic scent of the gone-forgotten pain… This little crazy girl who just opened her eyes up again really messes with my thoughts, my desires and capabilities. Do you think you can get me?

It’s weirdly hilarious how the corny pop star’s song can smoothly cover up the holes in my mind…” Somebody wants you, Somebody needs you Somebody dreams about you every single Night. Somebody Can’t Breathe, Without You its Lonely..” God, I’m so lost !

My life is fine. Studies, love, friends, internship, books, movies…. But there is something left of me that is not satisfied, that desires adventures, mind blowing passion, deadly mistakes; a voice in my head says- question all existing events, erase them and start new chapter.

I miss unanswered questions, mystery , feeling of eternal loneliness. What is wrong with me? My friend told I’m kind of freak who’s conscience can’t mess with her actions. I wanna run away…far away from this place, this chair, this computer, this room, this house, this street…wanna stand up against the rain and feel the nature with all my body. I am walking on the circles, I’ve been here before!

What’s right and wrong…  I wanna get high as fuck and fuck as hell! Wanna loose myself never to find it again, cause it’s so heavy to be this person…me. To love and hate , desire and resist, smile and weep, to sleep with eyes open and breath with lungs collapsed.

You know what?

I will get silly, make lots of mistakes, get madly in love with a total stranger and forget him in 15 seconds, I will loose and get lost, I will read the hell out of the books and get wasted, only if I know that I’m not alone, only if I feel the existence of unusual..

There’s no compare to the sweet venom of mystery , that tears your heart into million pieces and makes you feel alive. I sound pathetic, well may be I’m a little drama queen bitch..who cares anyway!


4 thoughts on “For Whoever

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